April 7, 2013: On April Fools’ Day, I posted a few instructions from “How to be a Good Housewife” and “How to be a Good Teacher” under the guise of “how to have it all”. The joke appears here in modified form. Enjoy!
How to Be a Good Housewife
* Be a little interesting for your husband. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Get your work done, but plan to finish or interrupt task an hour before your husband is expected home, so that you can ready the house, start dinner, and have a drink waiting for him.
* If you have children, clear them away when your husband comes home from work so that he will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order. Note that this will give you a lift, too.
* Don’t complain if your husband is late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
* Always know your place.
* Do not keep company with men.
* Do not dress in bright colors or dye your hair (under any circumstances).
* Be home between the hours of 8 pm and 6 am, unless at a school function.
* Do not loiter downtown in any of the ice cream stores.
And if none of these things strikes you as being utterly ridiculous and impossible to believe was ever true, take a look at this for a laugh. It is my hope that the “girl germs” epidemic goes global.